Scolded by a Two-Year Old

Hannah was waiting at the door for me when I came home from work yesterday. But instead of squealing and chanting "Mommy home! Mommy home!" like she usually does, this time she had a frown for me. "You work?" she wanted to know. "Yes, I've been at work" I answered, "but Mommy's home now". "You bad girl" she scolded. "What? Why is Mommy a bad girl?" I asked. She was clearly upset with me. "You leave me." she said matter-of-factly.

Talk about having the wind knocked out of you. It broke my heart. That is a pretty profound expression of feelings for a two-year old. And we couldn't really talk more deeply about it. So she went about playing with her mega blocks and seemed satisfied. What did I do? Well, I scarfed down a Soup at Hand and left for school.

If my life were a movie, this would be the turning point. I would have vowed right then and there to be a better mother. I would turn in my resignation the next day and withdraw from my classes. We would have probably have to move to some small but tidy house on a quaint street where I start a baby food business and become gloriously successful while staying at home with my babies. It would be a magnificient truimph and an inspiration for working Mommy's everywhere. And of course, we'd live happily ever after.

But this is not a movie. It's my life and we've got bills to pay and I've got an obligation to finish the classes I've started or else pay the tuition myself. Most home businesses are not that sucessful and in fact cost money in the beginning. And moving? Forget it. I still hope we can have the happily ever after though. I don't want to wake up one day and regret the time I missed with my baby. More than that, I don't want Hannah to wake up one day and wonder how much I really love her.

I'm beginning to think that maybe I need to take the week before my due date off to spend alone with Hannah. She obviously needs more Mommy time. And to be honest, I need more Hannah time.

UPDATE: When I related this story to the babysitter the next morning her reaction was shock. I could see she was a little startled and I wondered if maybe this whole incident started with a conversation at her house. Later when I read the babysitter's report from that day it said that infact the girls had been playing "work". That was enough to confirm my earlier suspicions. Don't get me wrong, I don't think the babysitter intentionally put that idea in her head. I'm sure it was just misconstrued by a two year old. And let's face it, there's some truth to my being a "bad girl" for leaving my daughter each day while I go to work. It's just nice to know how it all got started. Of course, pretend play is how little ones work out their feelings so I'm sure Hannah is effected by this unnatural arrangement. How I wish she and I were at home together as it should be.